I've finally failed to outrun the Green Blob

I spent 30 years in central London. And, as a driver, I spent the vast majority of that time trying to avoid the Green Blob cutting me off at the axles.

For the first few years it was avoiding creeping parking permits (a nightmare when you might have a different car every evening), but I managed to stay one step ahead.

Then came the run up to the introduction Congestion Charge, and 18 months of manufactured congestion, road closures and galactic traffic jams that really did stretch for miles. The upshot was that the magazine I worked for was sent north and I lost a good job.

But the newly-hatched Green Blob had much bigger plans: to cull the capital’s parking spaces. We started with specific ‘Car Club' bays because car sharing was the Next Big Thing. Then came the Boris rental bikes - modelled on a scheme in Paris, a city know for vast pavements.

This was a dream come true for the Blob. Entire stretches of parking spaces were blocked with Boris Bike stands. You could sense the glee as ten spaces were removed from some of the most expensive streets in Chelsea. Then the bikes spread out across the inner capital to my postcode.

Next up, the electric charging spaces. More parking lost. Then more road narrowing. Miles of empty cycle lanes. Bridges over the Thames narrowed and even closed.

In the midst of this, I was buying a new flat and a parking space (residents were banned from applying for parking permits) was £20,000. It went on the mortgage as I figured it would pay dividends when I sold up.

Which I did (and it did ) in 2022 just as I found myself in the ULEZ zone. The price of ‘clean’ bigger car that would have suited my needs was probably north of £20k (Euro 6 diesels had only been on the market for three years when the central ULEZ arrived).

I’m glad I didn’t stay. My old ‘hood is now 20mph zones everywhere, and the main North-South central London link road (Park Lane) has been reduced from three lanes to one - with a 20mph limit, of course. Sometimes I dial up Google maps and goggle at the congestion in low-traffic London.

I moved right out, into a small town in the middle of South Downs. The joy of the open road, for certain. Proper weather out here as well. So I bought a Volvo XC70, a serious all-roader with the sort of load space I’ve always needed. It’s hardy a driver’s car, but the utility outweighs that.

All was well until a couple of weeks ago. We park in the street because the rental house has a tiny garage with a tiny frontage. Then, out of the blue, barriers went up and the grass verge was gouged out. I knew in second: electric charging spaces.

We are going to be five spaces down, and the road is always full day and night, so I can’t be sure I can park the car. Just 4,000 miles into ownership and the Volvo is going to have to go for something shorter.

The Green Blob got me at last. And in the middle of the countryside at that.

Hilton Holloway is an automotive journalist of many years' standing